Single and living my best life?! Yessss I am huntyyyyy!
I am single and truly living my best-est life with my God the Father!
In this world all of us, whether we’ve stopped for a moment to realise it or not, we are searching for a deep inner peace that stays. A place where conviction doesn’t exist, a place where worries and stresses of this world, that although may be present, do not affect us and we simply wake up joyful. This is the type of joy that living my life for God and currently being single has truly allowed me to find and live my best life. This is a deep happiness of joy from within that comes from the covering of God to block out the distractions and noise that I’m all too familiar with ie boys that seize my attention, when God has asked me as a virgin to focus on him (1 Corinthians 7: 34-35) so he can do the things in my life that He knows how to do best, in order for me to become that virtuous woman of God I know I was created to be. He has gifted me with this covering through my embracing of my singleness to focus on him before it comes time to focus on my husband (1 Corinthians 7: 34-35) because when he arrives, He above would have made me in to his wife. The glory will be all His as the wife I become will be because of these types of single seasons and the lessons God has taught me which has deepened my understanding of what it means to have a healthy relationship, maintain one and He has blessed me with the revelation of these in actual form through our relationship – how amazing is God that He does that all in one move! Que the chariot called marriage!
If you haven’t checked out the corresponding video which shares my #NoBoysAllowed Update, go watch it now – But for the most part of 4 years, approaching 5 years, I have been single, no commitments! I was seeing people before and was in a “relationship” last year, and I say it with quotations because when someone pulls you away from God and are deceitful about their character and therefore isn’t the person who they say they are, then the question of whether a relationship really existed with that person is a legit one as no relationship should entertain both of those things as they are not present in your relationship with God our father and we look to imitate that as when we get married we take our eyes of that relationships and transfer it to our husbands. Deceit and pushing you further away from God are two MASSIVE red flags a person shouldn’t ignore as they are weapons of the devil to derail you, and are not the fruitfulness of God! Take heed and flee!
That is another story for another time, but God really mainly used that relationship to begin my celibacy journey with the right frame of mind and to truly make it count and not to do it “just because the bible says so”. God used it to teach me two things mainly that are crucial in life in general once your really grasps the conepts and use it for your advantage:
1) When given grace, the joy and blessings that come from God when you honour him and don’t do anything that goes against is honestly beyond your wildest of dreams
2) The key of Obedience opens many doors that grace can walkthrough, especially when it comes time to honour him.
So right now I am indeed as single as they can get. Now millienials like to put a new spin on everything, so when I mean single, I mean single! No person i’m ‘kinda’ talking to, no old fame to I wish to rekindle tucked away, no entertaining of ‘hey bighead’ texts – literally no one but God occupys this space and I am as happy as I could ever be to the point that at times (more times than I care to admit lol) I completely shy away from the idea of marriage. I shy away because although I desire the next stage of my life, I know something will have to give when it comes time to get married either my my husband or God and God has been very clear about who I should face when that decison comes about because He has joined us together in marriage for a new purpose in our lives that we need to complete together as help-meets and I will need to pour in to that relationship to get back to God in the way I am familiar with now. So I will miss this vast amount of time I spend with God (enormously) as relationships are consuming of your time, energy and emotions that I just soley at this moment want to pour in to my current relationship with God to establish myself for the ministry I am called currently whilst I am single on my own so God can trust me before I become a wife and become a ministry together with my husband with the little before he gives me the large (Luke 16:10). So I am lonesome in this physical journey and have been abstinent to no kissing, touching, NADA for about a year. A true year of no boys allowed nd and boy did that year fly by so fast when you do not focus on it and you’re just simply having fun with God every single day that your look forward to the next day, then the next and then BOOM it’s another year!! This time has only been possible becuase of God as he was the carrying me through each day spiritually and physically and giving me strength in both these areas at the differnet points in the year that I needed it- which has been more than sufficient even when I didn’t know it.
Of course everyones journey to marriage and through singleness is differnt but one thing stands true in all our stories and is that God really uses this sinlge time and fellowship with Him to transform you permanently in a way unimaginable and will forever be priceless to you. It is time you will never get back once you move in to the new chapter of marriage so see it as a blessing and use it well (James 1: 2-4)
12 Practical Tips
The tips below are in afdition to my video, but these are my tips to keep the reassurance of God and His truths in my heart and that I use to combat the devil when he tries to kill steal and destroy my peace about being celibate and single in this time and is what this post and my YouTube video centres on – These are the practical tips that we can apply to not just only our celibacy journey, but other journies that we are going through in our Christian walk – I pray God translates this to any area of your life that it is needed in Jesus name, Amen:
- First and foremost: KEEP DILIGENT ABOUT GOD’S BUSINESS! You bored? Read the bible? You bored? Watch YouTube sermons. You anxious, pray. You’re doubting or your faith is weary, stir your spirit with faith that can move a mountain. Once you carry His heart, God’s worries of this world and woes will be downloaded in to your heart and will occupy your time as He begins to step in and let him shape you for your purpose. The devil makes work for idle hands. You worried about a specific part of your walk, find guidance from his word or people who know it.
- Leading me on to the need to Fellowship/grow relationships with Godly counsel. In plain and simple terms – make your core friends God’s people who edify and encourage you based on the word not their ‘opinion’ as a lot of people in this world have opinions, that does not mean it is facts – facts is the bible. I am going to unpack this one a little more than the others as this one is so cruicial especially as milenials who like to enjoy this life with our friends, not knowing they are the ones holding you back. It is so important what you feed your mind and walk with as that food will start to digest when you are alone with your thoughts and will dictate heavily (subconciously and consicously) how easy or how hard your walk is. Side note: If your friends are having sex around you AND THIS IS YOUR BIGGEST AREA OF WEAKNESS – RUN FOREST RUN!! SO GOD CAN BE YOUR HELPER (AMOS 5: 14-15)!! It comes up in the bible a lot about the importance of counsel (Proverbs 11: 14) Surrounding yourself with the right people is extremely important as we are set apart (salt), we are different and part of a kingdom that is not of this world meaning the encouragement and standards that get set need to come from our kingdom not this world. Of course in life this applies across the board, but more so at the early stages of your stand and walk with Christ as you can’t be surrounded with people who are lukewarm as you will dilute yourself, you need to be around people who are on fire for God and stepping out of your comfort zone and meeting new church friends is a great place as any to start if you don’t think you can do this walk physcially alone. This is so important as what you feed yourself is what you will be, ‘show me your friends and i will tell you who you are’, if you have friends who are still walking in sin, iron sharpens iron (Proverbs 27: 17) and as you both are “weak” you will be sharpening eachother with your limitations of your weakness and devious lustful thoughts. But when you are accountable to people who are on fire for God (not perfect, on fire – massive difference) they will combat the straying thoughts and flesh desires with the truth and spirit of God and replace the lies an temptations of the devil and our flesh as we walk in spirit not flesh (2 Corinthians 10:3-5) The bible speaks about in the multitude of counsellors there is safety (Proverbs 15:22) – cannot stress this enough!! Safety from doors and cracks in windows opening to let the devil come in to your life, thoughts and actions through things such as seeds of doubt being planted by your friends or after hearing about your friends doing the ‘deed’ etc when you need to keep focused on point one – keep diligent about God’s business. If you don’t have Christians friends that you can confide in like that, pray for God to give them to you and whilst you wait (because alothough God can do it overnight, it may not happen that way) start to cut off the people laying bad seeds and surround yourself with friends/family who respect you, your walk, change of mind and your new boundaries. Once you start doing that and signalling to heaven you are faithful with the little (Luke 16: 10), and start demonstrating you are happy to stand for him and make way for the new, he will devlier exceedingly and abundantly. Trust me God will replace them with better friends if need be as it benefits Him as He will have more productivity in building His kingdom as you’re working together. Be around friends that whilst you’re weak in your flesh to sexual desire (or any sin) you will have friends who will not have conversations about these things with you or around you and who encourage you in the wrong way even by their actions and inability to step away from sin themselves when they know better, as you can easily start to compare yourself to someone’s lack of strength and say ‘oh I can’t do it just like so and so’ or say subliminally ‘if so and so can’t do it, I surely can’t’ and then fall and abuse grace yet you know better – NO! God has another calling for you remember that. Standing for God will never leave you without or lacking for anything that God won’t restore when the time is right, with double fold!
- Remember “I am his bridegroom so I am never ever alone” – That’s one thing we forget as christians and especially during this walk, keep that sentence repeated on your lips! Keep thanks in your heart and fix your jewels girl (Isaiah 61:10)
- Remember ‘I am truly free!‘ From people bondage, from wasted investments, failed relationships and free from walking through gates like rejection for it to be used by the devil to enter my heart. You are free from the envy of others getting married and seemingly finding their soulmate because you know yours is coming! (Galatians 5: 1)
- Leads me on to the benefits which will be evident in the long run of obedience being practiced in this short and temporary season, which is crucial to make you perfect through your tests (James 1: 2-4).
- This obedience and new understanding of it destroy your fleshly lustful desires and celibacy now becomes less of an issue till. God created boundaries to not ‘awaken love before the right time (Songs of Solomon 8: 4) trust him with the unknown.
- God intends for seasons just as these to be silent so you can hear and be tested. We know after we pass a test we can move on to a greater level and it’s the same, must revise/must practice obedience and surrender and then we move up to this we can responsibly handle. (Luke 16:10)
- Me and God are co-d’s! I have built up such a bond and relationship with God that I actually fear getting in to marriage as I know I will have to get naked and vulnerable all over again like I have had to do with God, but now to someone physcial who can actually talk back straight away?! eeshh lol
- I get to know myself all over again, but through the manufactures guide – I get to break the mould of this world and allow the true potter to reform me inline with who I was always suppose to be. I get to know myself through God’s eyes, the one who made me who knew the plans for me before I was even formed. Who better than the creator of a iPhone to tell you how a iPhone works?
- I get to now love me even more in a new and different way because I now can understand my value in God, not just what I may bring to the table physically and being to the table from the perspective of the world. I am an investment as I am a royalty, I am a royal priesthood of a kingdom, do you know who my father is? He loved me first to create me, I am
- My mind has been unboxed and transformed. I believe in the impossible, do you know what that feels like? Not to even doubt it?
- Realised how and what I have been called to do which is different from having the revelation of your purpose. God gives it to you in stages and this single stage is when God gave me my next.
See once you really get to know God, just as with your relationship with your best friend, you truly begin to carry his heart burdens and desires, if God is grieved, you are grieved. You really begin to want to meet him one day and when that day comes you just want to run to him and sit as a child at their parent’s feet and share what they’ve done with their day or life and them be just as happy and proud of you, as you are of yourself and your accomplishments. To do that we have to remain blameless and I am on a constant joureny of ensuring I have the correct heart posture (examine yourself scripture) to serve him in everything, even in my single life.
God told me when I was 21 sitting in my uni church lecture hall boo’d up what My purpose was but I wasn’t ready or convinced he could be talking about little old me! I’m now going on 25 now and have accepted, walked in to and am being prepared for that very calling and I am single. God cleared the room to make the space. Only now has God revealed the purpose of the ministry and what I am called to do and my single season is cultivating and qualifying me to complete and fulfil my ministry properly unapologetically where I die with nothing left to be said (2Tim 4:1-7). To preach the word and make the diluted and misunderstood truth about who Jesus is correct in our hearts and minds on how to be christians in the 21st century using Biblical principles.
Testimony: I have been single for the most part of I’d say about 4 and a half years where God has been transforming me in unimagienable ways as I became more and more of a living sacrifice in different areas of my life at different stages. God really started to strip back, break down and remove forcefully majority of my long term friendships. So I’m not out here in these streets with my worldly friends living my best life, I am out here living my best life because I am praising and giving God the praise and honour due for the peace, joy and love he pours in to me in this time.
Being truly single, and being completely dis-attached from men/women, sin, sinners, by creating boundaries during this time that build your foundation of the manifestation of your purpose in life is absolutely crucial during this time.
1 Corinthians 7 states what our heart right posture and position should be whilst we wait for God’s very best which is to focus on him till the time your husband becomes your husband or your wife becomes your wife. That means no distractions should fill that time waiting, no bad relationships should be entertained or cultivated, no living in sin – but letting God prepare all that is necessary in you and your spouse during this time because you are in a place of purity, obedience and diligence towards God’s business to reap and benefit from the harvest of your single season/sewing season.
This generation of milenials are so disillusioned because we want to be part of a culture that is destroying our souls and heart towards God (Galatians 4:16) and we want to be in the know, yet not learn what it truly means it is to be and live in a relationship with Christ? We compromise and don’t even know it and want to be single and mix, singing the latest music which glorifies the Devil, but because they’re just words and I claim and accept Jesus that’s okay? Wrong. We are responsible for what we let in our minds and hearts because sin has a tendency not come and present itself in big old letters saying SIN for us to identify it, it come in little and discreet ways and penetrates the heart before you’ve even realised it’s in there, and now you’re making excuses for it. Break free!
It was difficult being the first of many around me immediately and distantly (cause you know Instagram/social media extends your social circle) to stand for Christ the way I do because I learnt very quickly not everyone is willing to grow with you and not everyone can come along, so I have had to do this alone for the most part of which I am extremely grateful for as I have no time to waste as this life is limited to get me to eternity which is what I focus on. As I am young, the world tells me I should be living my best life in what this world deems it is at this age of doing the upmost of worldly things having meaningless and self-appeasing relationships and breaking new boundaries with no one to reign me in and tell me no as everyone is just as wild, young and free so they can’t speak out and be hypocrites!
No, God has raised a standard in me that I am unwilling to shake and unwilling to put aside to appease this world and the people in it. If that means God needs to continue to place me in an isolation period to raise a generation of people who understand relationships better because of the one I have with Him, then so be it! If God has to continue to cloak me till the time is right for my Adam to find me then so be it! If God has to continue to remove friends/relationship that do not fellowship or reverence him as wise counsel should then let them go and so be it!
I am standing my ground, just as the devil stands his and this battle is God’s to be victorious in because I have yielded myself to him to use me as he wishes so the glory is his too. When I was a baby Christian that lacked understanding, it was very hard to surrender my single-ness to God because I had ideas of what my husband was gonna be and look like, friends that were gonna be in my life forever and at points even used His word to get to that conclusion! But I had to get vulnerable and naked in front of him to work in me and realise I cannot choose myself I will choose wrong and I am not in control of this if I know that! To allow God to allow that truth to set in my heart and accept whoever he brings and what we he looks like physically. I had to break this mindset down and say I am not choosing God and that God should prepare him and I separately and present us to one another like Esther. I had to get face down at his altar and let him rip apart the ideas of relationships this world has formed and how I think I can choose using my own eyes and flesh and had to usher Him in to choose for me and I be in a place where I accept!
I know God’s best for me will be my very best as marriage means I am moving in to another mission that this earlier part of my life was preparing me for and I cannot wait as I am single and living my best life with the God who can do anything! Isn’t that amazing?
I have grown deeper in my faith in so many unexpected ways such as even exploring the true meaning of music and its purpose to worship. I am on a journey where now I’m listening to gospel music 90% of my time going from someone who didn’t know a Christian artist accept for Kirk franklin and Mary Mary etc and I expect God to continue to increase that % as he prepares me for what is to come!!! I encourage you to walk in this way ladies and gents as I promise you, you will never regret it or look back.
I will do a video or blog on different branches of this single walk such as not settling and God preparing and presenting you using a bible studies which will be part of the #NoBoysAllowed series and I’m excited for but in God’s very timing, as always.
Remember: ‘You have the right to do anything’- you say, but not everything is beneficial (1 Corinthians 6:12)
Till next time. M.E
Scriptures in order of appearance:
- 1 Corinthians 7: 34-35
- Luke 16:10
- Proverbs 11: 14
- Amos 5: 14-15
- Proverbs 27: 17
- 2 Corinthians 10:3-5
- Proverbs 15:22
- Isaiah 61:10
- Galatians 5: 1
- James 1: 2-4
- Songs of Solomon 8: 4
- Galatians 4:16
- 1 Corinthians 6:12